Gucci Guilty Black Pour Homme - cologne review
When the Best Cologne for Men team were growing up, we used to play with those plastic superhero figurines. They were a lot of fun in their stiff-limbed way, in the stone-age era before computers and gadgets really took off.
But you know, it still comes as a shock to see Steve Rogers's modern-day incarnation, Chris Evans, taking part in the raunchy ad campaign for Gucci Guilty Black with Evan Rachel Wood. We'll explain why we're shocked. And then we'll tell you what we think about the EDT itself.
The video has a lot going for it:
For once, the guy isn't all alone - there's an actual woman there for the man to interact with (it helps that the campaign is simultaneously an ad for Gucci Guilty Black Pour Femme, of course). And Evan is pretty strikingly attractive in a waxwork, vampiric sort of way, adorned with various Gucci apparel (like that rather tacky Gucci charm bracelet, not to mention the fur coat on the back-seat of the car and her shoes).
But then again, it's normal to use the fragrance ads to cross-promote the clothing and accessories lines: just look at Brian Shimansky in the Versace Eros ad, all camped-up in Versace shorts and sandals.
Then there's the whole Sin City thing going on, what with the video itself being directed by Frank Miller (and briefly starring him, as the driver of the car itself).
We love the cool car - it's not the same convertible used in the earlier Gucci Guilty ad, but we think it's a Jaguar again, maybe a Mark VIII? Hey c'mon, this is Best Cologne for Men, not Best Classic Car for Men, give us a break...
And then there's the sex scene: it's pretty damn sizzling, smoking stuff, if we're honest. And yes, Frank, we get the symbolism as the car roars through a kind of red tunnel-entrance at 43 seconds; yes, we get the prominent focus on Chris's helmet at the start (no doubt because his 'helmet' is about to become prominent in a different way very soon). So Chris has wood - ahem, apologies... has Wood in the back of that car. Then, the 'Pour Homme' is green and the 'Pour Femme' is red - the colours of the Italian flag (no doubt important to the patriots at Gucci), but of course Evan's red light has all sorts of other deliciously disreputable implications... So far, so blatant.
There's more than meets the eye here, though, and the story doesn't always ring true. For a start, we thought Evan preferred girls and pasty guys like Jamie Bell or Marilyn Manson to clean-cut hunks like Chris Evans - so that's a surprise. Then there is the weird way the rain has no effect on Chris or Evan's hair. And if some creepy guy in a Jag cut us up on the freeway, we'd feel like kicking ass, not fondling ass.
But most disappointing of all, Chris and Evan's little bout of no-strings copulation is all over really quickly, it seems (friendly advice: clench your abs really tightly and think of baseball next time, Chris). And the main reason we're so utterly dumbfounded and shocked by the whole affair is because: we grew up thinking Captain America had no genitals, just smooth plastic - so how can he have sex? 'Strangelove' indeed, as the music track by Bat for Lashes says... Poor Chris is no superhero between the sheets, then.
Enough of the video: how about the EDT?
Speaking of it being all over really quickly, let's talk about the fragrance itself.
Well, to us, it smelt a bit citrus-y on first spraying, but actually Gucci Guilty Black Pour Homme really isn't meant to be that at all. If we can believe Gucci themselves, that scent is coriander and lavender. Sure, it smelt fresh enough, just somewhat hard to place, and frankly not exactly the most original-smelling concoction we've ever encountered. But inoffensive enough.
The problem is that, like Evan's sex session with Captain America, it doesn't last. It degenerates badly into a synthetic, chemically odour that recalls an unholy mixture of generic shower foam and Johnson's baby shampoo. There's a certain...er, loss of potency, you might say. Just take a shower with some supermarket own-brand gel douche: you'll smell the same.
The flacon is an evil dark green, like some sour disinfectant fluid that your barber uses to clean his shears between customers. Sure, we explained the Italian flag theme going on with that, but in isolation, that particular goblin shade is a bit off-putting.
So it's strange: watching the slick, filthily enjoyable video, it builds up your expectations about this cologne, but ultimately Gucci's offering is a bit limp here. Bit of an anti-climax really...
Overall rating: a synthetic 4.5 out of 10.
What next? -
Related article: Joseph Randle steals Gucci Guilty Black.